Friday, July 22, 2011

This Time Last Year........

I had a back pack filled with a questionable assortment of clothes, and all of Moli's belongings and I walked out! Yes it has taken me a year to return to blogging, it has been a year and half to say the least. But now it is time to blog again. My core values are the same but my belief system and trust shattered! Let me go back to that morning last July 22 it was a Thursday at 6am. A hot New York summers day. Not nearly as hot as today. Moli and I slept soundly in our life as we knew it to be awoken by nine FBI agents with guns at the ready. Searching my entire apartment for the suspect I was allegedly harboring.

My first reaction was to defend my family, my husband my citizenship, my love for this country, I work for this country. It had to have been mistaken identity. The name Brian Jones is common enough......he served this country in uniform, I have pictures and meddles to prove it. Nothing stopped their methodical moves. Setting up a command station on my dinning room table. Removing all the art from the walls, all the books from the shelves, all the dvds my entire life was being stripped to nothing but a pile of belongings that were taking on a new meaning. I was moved from room to room as they moved opposite me. I was always held by a female FBI agent. I did not know what to do, how to react. Some of the agents were very pleasant and looked on me with pity and the knowing of sorrow my life was about to endure. Two others treated me like the scum that would commit these heinous crimes. And here enters the word that I had never used in my life before until that morning and the months to follow. Heinous! Heinous Heinous! I offered the agents tea or water they refused I tried to feed Moli, but she was distraught as I. Then the story comes out, the truth and the evidence about who and what my husband is a heinous criminal........

All I see is a flood of confusion, concern for the victims, fear, and guilt.....I proceed to apologize profusely for his actions, and that I had no idea this was going on in my home...my home....my safe haven. The lead agent tried to calm me, explaining he knows clearly that I am innocent absolutely innocent. The female agent gives me her direct cell as she is very concerned about my well being. The tears would not stop, the shaking would not stop, the apologizing would not stop, the guilt would not stop, the need to violently throw up would not stop. The lead agent sits me down and says listen to me carefully very carefully, as the FBI I am not allowed to get involved in your marriage that is between you and your husband. But you should not be here when he comes home. He will have more lies to cover the lies and try and convince you of his mistakes were innocent. You should not be here you should not stay, but it is your life and your marriage. We are so sorry to put you through this we are sorry for ruining your marriage.

The agent continued talking slowly and methodically with a strong hand on my shoulder trying to give me the strength to act. He insisted I call a family member in the area to come get me. They were not going to leave until I was safe.

I have no family in New York, I am an immigrant, i was building my family. I do have a best friend is more than family to me. I have no idea how to ask her for help. I have never asked for help before, I have always survived on my own. But I called, I called her and without asking she came to my rescue.

By 1030 am this time last year Moli and I had moved into my besties home, she had created a list of things we had to accomplish before he realized I was gone. The lies kept unfolding and the damage he had done was extensive. Little Bit sat by my feet and Moli on my lap while I took every precaution to insulate myself and Moli from any further financial harm. The other harms were already done.

It was clear I could never ever go back. Once the FBI left that morning everything was a blur. My bff reminds me that the first things I said to her when I opened the door was I cannot stay with him. I do not remember this but it is the best statement I have ever made.

This blog has taken a turn from powerful sassy ladies to the raw emotion of life being shook to its core. The powerful and the sassy always return. The details, lessons, trials, and decisions will unfold from here on. This is the beginning of a new life, my new life.

4 comments:

  1. A very brave blog entry - good job!

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  2. a very powerful way to ring in a new year, a new you! i'm very proud of you for exposing yourself.
    xxoo.

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